Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
