How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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