there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
