dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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