trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
