He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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