and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
