Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
