I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
