I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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