YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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