yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
