well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
