Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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