I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
