I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
