meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
