3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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