He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
