Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
