I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Randomize
