I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Is it because I queefed?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
