i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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