I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
