so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
