I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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