could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
