i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Your penis caused this!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
