No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
