piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
