Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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