he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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