I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I am mentally ready for anal.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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