I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
