I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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