Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
