what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
