when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
