His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
