i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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