i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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