You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
