If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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