I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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