just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
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