How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
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