Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
