I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
