apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
