dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
