Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
