if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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