I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
