dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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