If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
she looked like the before picture.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
