then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
